When you have severe insomnia mixed with PTSD, darkness always holds you hostage until the sun comes up. Without pills, and after 25 years of dealing with the devil just to get a break, your internal organs can only take so much.

The hunt for rest only triggers more anger when people suggest things like hot milk before bed, counting sheep, or meditation. This wouldn’t be happening if it were really that simple. I remember a fellow drunkhead friend once telling me to just close my eyes and call it rest. You may not fall asleep, he said, but it still helps you gain what you need for another day.

That might work if your brain isn’t fucked up like this, but it doesn’t always help. So you’re left helpless, sleepless, and restless.

They say there’s no rest for the wicked, but for you it’s more like restless because of the wickedness. So here I am, staring at the ceiling, gazing into the endless abyss. They say staring into the abyss makes you a monster.

One night, you get tired of the abyss and open something else to stare at on the TV. That’s when you find your “hope”. You stumble across Godzilla on Netflix, and somehow you see eye to eye with the angry radioactive monster. Watching him destroy an absurd and incomprehensible world, only for it to be destroyed all over again, somehow makes you sleepy.

At last, you’ve found the rest you’ve been longing for. You just don’t know how long it will last. Apparently, even radioactive monsters need a break.

It seems easy for him too. Just destroy everything around you, lie down in the middle of the destruction, and take a nap. That could become a problem with your best friend, Godzilla.

It’s funny because they say the world created Godzilla through pollution and radioactive waste. So who created you?

It seems like even the darkness can sleep soundly.